Rest

“When you rest, you catch your breath and it holds you up, like water wings…” — Anne Lamott

You may have noticed TPC took a break from the podcast and the blog in August.  That was an intentional decision in an attempt to practice what we preach to parents - self-care, regulation, and resilience. Sometimes, the most straightforward path to regulation is rest.  We recognize how challenging even the idea of rest can be for parents, so we’ve done some research for you.

Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD, author of Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, talks about rest in her book and Ted Talk. 

Dalton-Smith describes seven essential types of rest required to address the “rest deficit” that pervades American culture. Along with preventing fatigue and burnout, rest can play a role in improving resilience to everyday challenges.  “We’ve incorrectly combined the concepts of sleep and rest and in doing so, we have dumbed down rest to the point it appears ineffective,” Dalton-Smith explains. “The result is a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired, burned-out individuals.” 

If you equate rest to a nap or uninterrupted 7 hours of sleep, resting as a parent can feel impossible. But consider these other forms of rest, and see what you can intentionally place in your life.  

1. Physical Rest

• What it is: The recovery of your body's physical energy and comfort.

• Signs you need it: Feeling chronically foggy, tired, irritable, sore or tense. 

  
  

Restoring energy may include prioritizing sleep or taking a nap when you need one, if possible. But physical rest may also be altering your workout routine to something more restorative (a stretch or a walk instead of a run), or prioritizing quiet time away from screens (which generally don’t provide a true restful experience).  The exercise world has known that we actually build muscular strength during times of recovery and rest, so think about these breaks as the time when you actually build more strength and resilience. 

2. Mental Rest

• What it is: A break from racing thoughts, problem-solving, and cognitive overload.

• Signs you need it: Forgetfulness, irritability, or re-reading the same sentence multiple times.

  
  

When your brain is active for long periods, you may begin to feel mentally drained.  Rest means finding a way to quiet your thoughts and giving your brain a chance to refuel.  Easier said than done!  Try scheduling breaks from mentally taxing work, and doing some low-stakes tasks.  But, do them mindfully (can you fold the laundry without letting your mind wander?) so your brain doesn’t fall into familiar patterns of overthinking.  

3. Sensory Rest

• What it is: Relief from bright lights, loud noises, and constant screen time.

• Signs you need it: Feeling "fried," edgy, or agitated from modern stimuli.

  
  

Our senses are bombarded by constant stimuli.  When the world feels too loud, too bright, just too much, our sensory system is begging for a break.  Try restorative activities: a puzzle, reading, listening to soft music you enjoy, connecting with a loved one, or spending time outdoors.  Screen time does not count as a sensory rest!

4. Creative Rest

• What it is: Reawakening your wonder and inspiration without the pressure to produce.

• Signs you need it: Feeling uninspired, unable to find wonder or awe.

  
  

If you have a job that requires creativity, brainstorming, or problem-solving, you may need some creative rest. Along with giving your brain the occasional break from those demands, find ways to engage in creative hobbies—whether knitting, writing, baking, or painting—for fun.  Creative rest can also be participating in an activity with no expectation for the outcome.  

5. Emotional Rest

• What it is: Freedom to stop performing or people-pleasing and express true feelings.

• Signs you need it: Feeling like you must always say "yes" or fake being "fine".

  
  

Emotional rest does not mean taking a break from your feelings, but instead finding ways to express yourself and releasing the pressure of holding it all together. Try talking to a friend or therapist, journaling, or finding ways to be with emotions as they pass through you.  You may also set limits or boundaries with emotionally draining people. 

6. Social Rest

• What it is: Differentiating between relationships that drain you and those that fill your cup.

• Signs you need it: Dreading interactions or feeling lonely around others.

  
  

We all know the feeling of making plans with someone but then not having the energy to follow through.  Being around people all the time means being “on,” which can be draining for anyone. Social rest may mean scheduling fewer activities during the week or spending more time alone to recharge. As with emotional rest, you may even want to set boundaries or limit time with people who are difficult to be around.  We are still working on how to get emotional rest when the people who are difficult to be around are your own children… something to explore in coaching, perhaps!

7. Spiritual Rest

• What it is: Connecting to a deep sense of purpose, love, and belonging beyond yourself.

• Signs you need it: Feeling aimless, cynical, or empty.

  
  

There are a couple of ways to think about spiritual rest.  One may be cultivating spiritual-type practices that nourish you, and the other may be to limit the energy you spend in spiritual practices that feel forced or expected.   

If you still find yourself resisting the idea of rest, it may help to reframe it. Rather than seeing rest as a passive act that gets in the way of productivity—or as something selfish—think of it as a deposit into your energy account. This is especially important in the season of parenting, when the demands of daily life can mean there are far more withdrawals than deposits. Rest is not time wasted; it is one of the ways we replenish ourselves so we can continue showing up for the people and things that matter most.